Sibling Rivarly

As the mom to two boys, I've been overwhelmed lately with how much Will & Alex fight.  Not only physically (although there's plenty of wrestling and tackling that goes on), but also verbally.  It seems like they're always picking on each other.  On our tubing weekend, there was a point where Scott and I both looked at each other wondering "what have we gotten ourselves into"?  Each of the boys are sweet and fun on their own, but when you put them together it's painful!!
I've been doing my best to keep them separated as much as possible until this phase passes (which is hopefully soon).  Often when I'm making supper, they'll start in on each other...fighting over toys, who's going to watch TV on which couch, name-calling, etc.  So many times I end up putting them on separate floors to play.  When the fights start at the dinner table, I'll send one boy (whoever is the antagonizer....which is usually Will) upstairs to get his PJ's on.  Then, by the time he comes back down, Alex has finished eating and can get his jams on while Will finishes his meal.

It's been tough playing referee for the last few months, and I've been looking for a way to break the pattern.  I feel like I can tell them over and over to STOP FIGHTING, but it's not getting through.  So, I'm going back to an old technique that I learned from my dear (teacher) friend Elaine.  I first introduced the Kind & Helpful bag with Will when he was about 4.  He earned tickets for being Kind & Helpful and lost them when he was not.  Then he could cash the tickets in for "prizes" (mostly stuff from the Dollar Stop at Target, with some higher value items that cost more tickets).  This worked well, and so after a while we phased it out.  Fortunately several of the "helpful" behaviors stayed!

Now that the boys are older, the toys they want are more expensive.  The stuff at the Dollar Stop doesn't have enough perceived value any more.  So, I've been struggling for the last week  with what to use as the incentives.  Finally, this weekend as I walked into our mudroom and saw our "activities" whiteboard hanging there....I figured it out....Activities!!  The driving range, bowling, geocaching, hiking...these are all things that we try and do with the boys periodically, but how about if they had to "earn" these activities instead of just being given them?  Scott and I are always reminding the boys how "lucky" they are to do all sorts of things that we rarely did as kids (international travel, summer camp, regular meals out a restaurants, etc).  We're very conscious of how fortunate we are, and work hard to make sure that we are NOT raising entitled kids. 

So, today (while last night's fighting is fresh on my mind), I crafted up some new "Kind & Helpful Reward Coupons" that the boys can earn by cashing in their tickets.  I've made 15 coupons with things like:

• one trip to the movies with Mum or Dad 
• one trip to Kate's Skate (with a friend)
• one trip to the driving range with Dad
• one family trip to play mini putt
• one trip to Sky High Sports (with a friend)
• one family trip to go bowling
• one trip to Art Space Studio to paint pottery
• one family trip to go hiking

When I told Will about it last night, he was really excited.  So, I'm bracing myself that this will hopefully be a success and at least curb the amount of fighting that's going on in our house.  I'll keep you posted!